Super-powered Superheroes
After arriving here in Japan, I have discovered that the concept of Gaijin Superpowers is not quite as farcical as I'd first thought. After comparing notes with some of the other local foreigners, on occasion we have all noticed the presence of these supposed abilities when interacting with the Japanese.
For the purposes of clarity, the known list includes:
Gaijin Smash - The ability to manipulate the outcome of a given situation by using your will in an overbearing manner to dominate the Japanese.
Optic Blast - A ranged version of the Gaijin Smash, particularly effective on trains. If correctly mastered, you can even get a physical flinching response from your target.
Gaijin Perimeter - The ability to project an invisible barrier around yourself that only the Japanese can sense and thus be repelled by it. Its range and effectiveness grows exponentially with the addition of other gaijin - particularly tall males.
Gaijin Power-Up (AKA: Gaijin Charisma) - Similar to a vampire's ability to mesmerize (and considered by many Japanese to be just as unholy), it is the ability to charm Japanese members of the opposite sex despite the best efforts of any Japanese that might try to compete with you. This power is more common to gaijin males, but instances of use by gaijin females have also been reported.
Gaijin Telepathy - This is the ability that gaijin use not only to communicate with each other, but also to gather necessary information from their Japanese co-workers when such information is otherwise being withheld.
Gaijin Invisibility - Confusing Japanese people by speaking to them while being an invisible non-socializable entity, and forcing them to turn immediately to the nearest Japanese person and ask for confirmation of what the wind just said.
Gaijin Stun - The ability to throw any and all Japanese parties encountered into a panic-inducing confusion by a combination of both physical appearance and use of crappy Japanese. This shock and confusion often allows the gaijin to get what they are after with relative ease or have the most elementary task done for them.
Gaijin Tongues (e.g. Teaching English) - Mastery of a language with such magnetism that people will pay half a day's wages just to hear it for an hour.
Gaijin Wa Disrupto - The ability to disrupt the psychic harmony of an entire group of Japanese -- regardless of number -- and thereby increase their susceptibility to other gaijin powers.
Gaijin Charge - The ability to withstand the constant barrage of identical questions voiced by nearly all Japanese upon first meeting. Anger is stored for use at a later day when said Gaijin chooses to relase all pent up emotion in the form of one final devastating attack.
Gaijin Intelli-Beam - Correct a Japanese person's use of their language, or teach them about their own culture/history. This can be used as a much more powerful version of the Gaijin Stun with smaller numbers of Japanese. Note:Only for use by upper-level gaijin
Gaijin Dodge - The ability to escape from any situation by pretending you have no clue what other people are saying or that you are completely illiterate.
Gaijin Insult - Mastery of the ability to insult and ridicule those around him/her without the other party having any clue what was said or meant. Particularly useful on trains or other crowded areas filled with many obnoxious and self-absorbed idiots. Note: This power is rumoured to have some measured success against other gaijin as well.
..and there we have it. An impressive aresenal of secret weaponry unmatched anywhere in the Japanese military.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho
For the purposes of clarity, the known list includes:
Gaijin Smash - The ability to manipulate the outcome of a given situation by using your will in an overbearing manner to dominate the Japanese.
Optic Blast - A ranged version of the Gaijin Smash, particularly effective on trains. If correctly mastered, you can even get a physical flinching response from your target.
Gaijin Perimeter - The ability to project an invisible barrier around yourself that only the Japanese can sense and thus be repelled by it. Its range and effectiveness grows exponentially with the addition of other gaijin - particularly tall males.
Gaijin Power-Up (AKA: Gaijin Charisma) - Similar to a vampire's ability to mesmerize (and considered by many Japanese to be just as unholy), it is the ability to charm Japanese members of the opposite sex despite the best efforts of any Japanese that might try to compete with you. This power is more common to gaijin males, but instances of use by gaijin females have also been reported.
Gaijin Telepathy - This is the ability that gaijin use not only to communicate with each other, but also to gather necessary information from their Japanese co-workers when such information is otherwise being withheld.
Gaijin Invisibility - Confusing Japanese people by speaking to them while being an invisible non-socializable entity, and forcing them to turn immediately to the nearest Japanese person and ask for confirmation of what the wind just said.
Gaijin Stun - The ability to throw any and all Japanese parties encountered into a panic-inducing confusion by a combination of both physical appearance and use of crappy Japanese. This shock and confusion often allows the gaijin to get what they are after with relative ease or have the most elementary task done for them.
Gaijin Tongues (e.g. Teaching English) - Mastery of a language with such magnetism that people will pay half a day's wages just to hear it for an hour.
Gaijin Wa Disrupto - The ability to disrupt the psychic harmony of an entire group of Japanese -- regardless of number -- and thereby increase their susceptibility to other gaijin powers.
Gaijin Charge - The ability to withstand the constant barrage of identical questions voiced by nearly all Japanese upon first meeting. Anger is stored for use at a later day when said Gaijin chooses to relase all pent up emotion in the form of one final devastating attack.
Gaijin Intelli-Beam - Correct a Japanese person's use of their language, or teach them about their own culture/history. This can be used as a much more powerful version of the Gaijin Stun with smaller numbers of Japanese. Note:Only for use by upper-level gaijin
Gaijin Dodge - The ability to escape from any situation by pretending you have no clue what other people are saying or that you are completely illiterate.
Gaijin Insult - Mastery of the ability to insult and ridicule those around him/her without the other party having any clue what was said or meant. Particularly useful on trains or other crowded areas filled with many obnoxious and self-absorbed idiots. Note: This power is rumoured to have some measured success against other gaijin as well.
..and there we have it. An impressive aresenal of secret weaponry unmatched anywhere in the Japanese military.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho
posted by -Jubei- at 8:24 PM
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