Loose for the Goose, Mighty as Zeus

Recently, I made the not so discrete discovery that "the Earth", a common phrase in English, when spoken by Japanese speakers invariably becomes "ze Ass", another common phrase in English, albeit with a slightly different meaning.
For example:
Teacher: "Do you live on the Earth?"
Slave Collective: "Yes, we lib on ze Ass"
Teacher: "Hahahahaha...Oh, really? How do you like the Ass?"
Individual Slave: "Zee Ass is brue and white and beautiful"
Teacher: "HAHAAHAHAA! You poor fools..."

...and now for something completely different


An Ode to Foreign English Teachers:

So here I sit amongst manacled slaves
Those who have yet to escape Plato's cave
The day's routine seems to be all that they know
Might as well go jump out of the window
Splat yourselves down on the pavement with vigour
Your lives are so sad, there's naught else, I figure
You're not bad people, in fact you're friendly and nice
Unfortunately, such one-dimensional things don't suffice
For proving yourself worthy of life or of praise
Thus as you grow older your spirit decays
Till your left with your nothing, your vacant old soul
If you'd only had some sort of passion to extol!
Your mark on the world has been fleeting, forgotten
The world throws you away like a piece of fruit, rotten