On Fait Le "Fun" A L'ecole

Start with one diced octopus...slap it together with some sludge...mix in some translucent baby fishes...a bowl of white vinegar rice on the side...heat in a massive 20 litre aluminum pot...serve it all up with various veggery and soybean pasty stuff...follow it up with a fresh slice of lemon (dessert), and you've got Japanese school lunch! Hurray! BAAAAAAARRRFFFFFF

today's lunch music was Eminem, followed by bleepy spaceship music and then finished up with some Japanese pop crap. It's interesting to sit around in the teachers' room though, surrounded by teachers aged 30 to 60 quietly eating their lunch whilst the soulful, wholesome rapping of Slim Shady fills the corridors with lyrical gems like "Superman ain't savin' shit, girl you can jump on Shady's dick // Straight from the hip, cut to the chase, I tell a muthafuckin' slut to her face"

...no one so much as bats an eyelash...

...even when "Puss blew out, poppin' shit, wouldn't piss on fire to put you out // Am I too nice, buy you ice, bitch if you died, I wouldn't buy you life" blares through the halls, no one seems to really mind...I guess my teachers are all down with this rap game, gettin' all groovy and that...oh wait, nope, they're just Japanese, hehehehe, which is actually way more fun!

either way, my third graders have started cussing in class when they don't know the answer to a problem (either that or they would just rather say "shit!" than actually think about the real answer...kinda reminds me of my own days in junior high school...)

ps. Kendo is so pimp...
don the armour...swing the sword...sweat like an ass...mad crazy fun with the kids...lots of little guys perfecting their war shouts as they rush at you with their bamboo swords...YAAAAAA! you little bastaaaaards! hahahaha

What's your boggle?

Watching "Demolition Man" the other night, that superbly written and geniusly acted Sly Stallone film about a cryogenically incarcerated cop running after a now-reanimated but previously cryogenically incarcerated super criminal with lots of guns and witty one-liners, I realized that the film is actually a ridiculously accurate portrayal of Japanese society (minus the guns and witty one-liners). It is a spot-on microcosm of Japanese society in general

Factoid 1: in the film, the mayor (chief) of the city, all important people and much of the regulars in the city all wear almost authentic-looking kimonos, just like in Japan (at least, traditionally)

Factoid 2: the most important thing for the people in the movie (other than the protagonist and antagonist who are of course violent, heroic maniacs) is harmony (the entire society in the movie is dedicated to the preservation of harmony above all else), just like in Japan

Factoid 3: everyone in the movie addresses each other without using personal pronouns, instead preferring the use the person's full name, just like in Japan

Factoid 4: everyone in the film has a tragically flawed character trait of angelic naivety, just like most people in Japan

Factoid 5: the society in the film shows itself to be truly in need of saving, and the only one able to accomplish this saving is the heroically violent protagonist, just like the West's view of Japan (after all, the movie was made by rich white men from the West...righteous imperialism will never die...)

Factoid 6: the speech used by everyone except the protagonist and antagonist is flowery, polite ridiculousness where everything (even inner dialogue) is voiced, just like in Japan

Factoid 7: everyone is always smiling in the film (at least when they're engaged in communication with another person), just like in Japan

Factoid 8: the society in the film shows itself to be easily overwhelmed and dominated by a few aggressive and domineering individuals, and winds up desiring to mimic such aggression, just like with many of the foreigners living in Japan

Factoid 9: in the film, the female lead (and others) have a completely irrational nostalgia for pre-2000 American paraphenalia...random objects randomly placed make them feel cool and hip, just like many people and most restaurants in Japan (not to mention the fashion of practically everyone under the age of 30)


CONCLUSION: 'Demolition Man' was clearly written with Japanese society in mind...the resemblances are uncanny...if you want an easy-to-understand general overview of what it might be like to be in Japan, I advise you to watch this film...it is of course Hollywood, and so it's not really representative of the entire population here in the Land of the Rising Sun, but I was astounded by how much it does seem to portray Japanese society on the whole

Dance Dance Revolution

WHAM BAAAM!!
So I went to another breakdancing competition last night with my buddy Keisuke, the 36-year-old businessman breakdancer that I teach English to on the weekends (what a pimp!)...I wish I had video footage...
It lasted from about 4 in the afternoon until 10...damn...it was at this massive club in the futury Star-Trek-esque wicked part of Tokyo where everything is built on reclaimed land from Tokyo harbour. Lined up for almost an hour...security ASKED me if I had anything that I shouldn't...I said "no"...end of security check...what a joke! I mean, no one searched my bag, grabbed my nuts, or anything else that happens at a regular security check at a club in North America...the Japanese are just not very good at breaking rules, whatever they may happen to be...

Further, I was relieved to conclude that, yes, there are some women (Japanese women, no less!) in the world who know how to dance (saints be praised! a miracle!)...also, I was astonished to see children under the age of 10 busting a mad move on the stage with a krumping crew! WTF!! pimpest kids of all time...throwing moves down like a raging Michael Jackson on amphetamines...there were families with kids, and mothers, all busting mad moves to the pumping sounds of a massive soundsystem...damn, the West needs to emulate this awesomeness...some people drinking, some watching, some little kids playing and running around like little kids do, some people practicing moves by the speakers, some people just watching the show and appreciating the artisans of dancery on the stage...

It's so bizarre that in Japan, the dance scene is completely removed from the club scene...makes no sense...but that's okay because nothing makes any sense in this country...which is kind of why it's so damn fun all the time...

Teaching and Preaching the Gospel of Cool

It's springtime, and all the energy of the season is giving my students new ideas of how to pretend they can speak English (without ever studying). That is, they have a new strategy.
Allow me to elaborate:
Teacher (leaving the school at the end of the day): "See you later"
Students plural: "sheeuuuuehhhaaaa..."

They've learned to roughly approximate the vowel sounds of many English sayings and greetings and so on, without the slightest notion of what has been said, while at the same time foolishly convincing themselves that they are speaking English...Crafty bastards...they'll go straight to the gas chamber for this! I'll make them write out the alphabet 5 billion times, and I taught numbers to the first graders today, so they know that 5 billion is a lot (more than they can even count to)!

Additionally, some of my first year kids have taken to saying "Yes, boss" whenever I tell them anything (clearly they've been going to cram school in the evenings)...but it's pure gold...I encourage communication, so kudos to them for being little champs...it's also a lot more fun than only studying the textbook...

I also taught the students about hackeysack this week...soooooo pimp...the previous week was bass guitar class (complete with me rockin' it out pure awesome styles in front of everyone), and the week before that, I gave a little talk on Kung Fu (complete with manly demonstrations of enemy-smashing fists and feet, flying and flailing, full-blown fantasticness)