Friday, April 28, 2006

Japan: a controlled substance?

Footwear is very important in Japan, as is when and where you take off said footwear and also where and when you put on other footwear. For example, the minimum requirement in terms of pairs of shoes that is required for public school (for both teachers and students) is three.

There are Outside Shoes, taken off as you enter the building (aka. dress shoes that match with one's suit). Next there are Indoor Shoes, which you promptly don after stowing the Outside Shoes in a little shoe locker which is located at the entrance of practically every building. Inside Shoes are invariably some form of sneaker or running shoe, and after a few months, one almost forgets how ridiculous everyone looks in a suit and running shoes all day........almost.

Last but not least, there are special, clean, non-marking squash shoes that are required for entrance to the auditorium (called the Arena in Japanese). The students have the same requirements for footwear as the teachers, but they all have exactly the same shoes in exactly the same colour. This goes well with their identical school uniforms and identical gym bags, and also matches with their identical atheletic suits (colour-coordinated by grade). It's really quite the scene to see 800 identically-clothed kids bowing at the exact same time with precisely the same colour of hair and repeating Japanese sayings with identical inflection.

I'm starting to absolutely love the Japanese style of discipline and their codes of formal behaviour...it's so awesome...formal events (this includes any and all ceremonies at school) are approached with an almost religious fervour, except that everyone in the entire society (save a few wretched outcasts, whoops, I mean foreigners) subscribes to it; it is a ubiquitous religion, worshipping the god of order and good bowing.

On the whole, the Japanese society, when coarsely compared with the West, has the discipline of an ant colony, the organisation of an Al Quaida jihad squad, and the fun factor of hallucinogenic mushrooms. Life in Japan is a real trip.

Like Dali, Japan doesn't (need to) do drugs...Japan is drugs.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Crime and Punishment (retribution pending...)

Canada, thanks largely to vast uninhabited stretches of arctica in the north, enjoys a population density of about 3.23 persons per square kilometre, although almost all of the population is located within 200 kilometres from the US of A. Ontario has about 4 times the national average. Japan on the other hand has a population density of around 337 persons per square kilometre.
For a more insightful account though, let's look at urban densities.
In Toronto, there are 3939 inhabitants per square kilometre (metropolitan Toronto clocks in at around 793 inhabitants per square kilometre). Tokyo on the other hand, has to deal with 13,500 persons per kilometre (5,655 for Metro Tokyo).

Now let's take a brief look at the crime stats for a number of various countries (compiled by the Taiwan government from various sources, 1998):

Murders per 100,000.
Russia Federation 18.07
United States 6.32
Malaysia 2.73
Taiwan 1.17
Spain 1.08
Japan 0.58

Toronto 1.80 (taken from www.Toronto.ca website)

Rape per 100,000.
1. United States 34.20
2. England and Wales 14.69
3. France 13.38
Taiwan 8.82
South Korea 4.38
Spain 3.23
Japan 1.48

Serious Assault per 100,000.
1. Australia 713.68
2. England & Wales 405.20
3. United States 357.94
Taiwan 37.30
Spain 23.94
Japan 15.40

Robbery/Violent Theft per 100,000.
1. Spain 169.85
2. United States 169.02
3. France 144.10
Taiwan 14.35
South Korea 11.74
Japan 2.71


The densely populated island of Japan, and the insanely crowded metropolis of Tokyo is one of the safest places to live on Earth.

Japan has built itself on traditions of discipline and honour. To a large extent, these traditions have thus far endured, perhaps necessarily. In a place as densely populated as Japan, where every morning and night the trains (which run impeccably on time every 2 minutes) are so full of people that the windows sweat and special slaves are employed to push and shove people into the trains so the doors can actually close, it is perhaps mandatory to have a culture of politeness and respect (at least superficially). Living in a country filled with so many people in such constant proximity necessitates civil niceities among its citizens, otherwise its doubtful society could exist at all.

Of course, the ultimate irony of Japan and its society of kindness and politeness is its relationship with the rest of East Asia. Japan is passionately despised by all of her neighbours. The (perhaps) kindest, most outwardly polite (on the whole), and respectful society on Earth is seen as a country of murderous, heathen, imperialist scum bent on the domination and conquest of everyone else. I mean, there are websites filled with pictures that Korean children drew of Japan sinking into the sea, her flag burning, while all the Korea children cheer. These kids are like 10 years old!

there are numerous examples of such things - http://uqmgp.hp.infoseek.co.jp/

for a short article on the subject, check the link below
http://mdn.mainichi-msn.co.jp/waiwai/archive/news/2005/07/20050709p2g00m0dm001000c.html


All the politeness and respectfulness in the world cannot change Japan's past of militant imperialism...and their joke of a parliament (somewhat misnomered as "the Diet"), is doing precious little to ease the tension with their Asian neighbours, often deliberately aggravating the situation, in fact.
(http://www.wsws.org/articles/2001/aug2001/jap-a17.shtml)

article on Japan-China relations http://www.economist.com/printedition/displayStory.cfm?Story_ID=3786409


Japan, in many ways, really is the America of the East, but with China rushing to modernize its country of over a billion people, and a permanently pissed-off and brainwashed nationalistic South Korea, it's high time Japan dealt with past grievances, if not for the sake of diplomacy and responsible government, then for the sake of her own survival.

sinister fiend!

Tokyo is eating all of my money.
Help.

'Tis not a city...'Tis a remorseless eating machine!

...of course, a life that is this awesome will cost a lot



God smiles at my expenditures.

New Semester

yeeeaaa! The new school term has started, and everything is all excited, especially my students...because they're Japanese...and all mental (but in such an awesome way...almost as awesome as me...but not quite)

let the (linguistic) games begin!

First Day
*New Student's nametag falls off his desk*
New Student: "oh!....ouch.....oh my god"
this student has clearly been attending after school English classes...I don't seem remember "oh my god" being in any of the textbooks...now this is what we call communication...what a champ!

Teacher: "Are you sleepy?"
Student: "Yes."
Teacher: "Why? Why are you sleepy?"
Student: "I'm-uuh...because-uuh...growing"
Teacher: "Fuckin eh!"
*note: the Teacher is becoming rather bold in the classroom at this point

Thursday, April 20, 2006

no drinking in the park

karaoke hardcore

goof troop

coolest dude on Earth (pronounced "ass" in Japanese)

drunk as a skunk (needs a kick in the junk)

king of the land

eeeeeeediot.

Beauty and the Pig (oh, I mean Beast)

pimp trick gangsta click

KILLIN' IT

reprezent the insanity
all happy, no profanity

screaming Lords of White Oppression
here to teach the English lesson
on a mission, need no permission
exploding out like nuclear fission
huge and strong like a slanty-eyed King Kong
karaoke, madness boozing, cool for way too long
my friend is here, all drowned in beer
we're making Tokyo Madness into a career
rip-roarin' regalia, pimp like Pops Papalia
rockin' this land that's so close to Australia

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

intellectual incantation

Fantastical magicness

Blitzkrieg into the pillows of the mind

Inviting and comfy-like

Exploiting the resources of an over-worked, unappreciated world

Somewhere amongst the happy madness of shared experience, universal and subjective all at the same time; a new lens for constructing one’s vision of an ever-changing reality

emerges

Monday, April 03, 2006

Hanami

Once a year in Japan, for a couple of days in April), everyone stops whatever it is they're doing and all venture forth to the various parks (the only areas of modern Japan to escape paving) to get pissed to the gills and view the sakura. Young and old, large and small (but mostly small of course), they charge en masse to spread their tarps, eat their sushi or soba (noodles), and drink their sake (or more commonly nowadays, wine). I, along with an adequate supply of food and booze and a small crew of carefully selected champions, was more than happy to join this year's pilgrimage.

A hanami-inspired diamonte poem regarding the drunks of Japan:

Hammered
cannot see
everyone is happy
can't even get up
friends all laughing
ha ha
faceplant

Everyone should aspire to the non-violent, happy Japanese mode of intoxication. This is a feature the rest of the world would do well to emulate. No one fights. Children play merrily nearby. No one does anything but smile idiotically and mumble happily as you videotape them lurching and crashing to the ground with hilarious frequency. For the Japanese, drinking necessarily involves getting drunk. If you weighed barely 50 pounds, had no fat, and drank 3 glasses of beer, you probably would too.

Hhahahahaha, it's like drinking with gradeschoolers...only these guys are finished school...and are often in excess of 60 years old...and are the coolest dudes ever.
Rockin' the hanami with George and Akiko
les sakura (cherry blossoms)
Hanami time
No, no clues...
My next purchase: Hello Kitty Ferrari