Communication?

Okay, so here is a recent email I received from a new Japanese friend I met at a party. Mangled, cripply English is used, but perhaps this is the friendliest, happiest email ever:

hello!!

I'm takashi!!

DO@you learn@my thing?

I'm very very enjoy tonaight pirty!!

I want to meet in a club!!

Let's take communication by an email from now on if good!!

I wait for email pleasure from you!!

Then let's meet you again!!

see ya!!

...and this is how we communicate in Japan

if money can't buy happiness...you don't have enough of it! hahahahha

Just to keep you in perspective, here’s a little recap of my financial situation in Japan. Okay, so I make pretty good money over here. However, I spend barbarous amounts of aforementioned money just staying alive.

Here’s a basic rundown:

I make around $2000 (net) a month. Then I pay for utilities and cellphone and internet and all that rotten shyte. This is approximately one million dollars (umtee-squillion yen) and puts me $998 000 in the hole. Roughly. Then, I spend about $30 a day on grocery store food (one broccoli the size of my fist costs $3. Then I have to drink copiously to offset the depression of how much money I’m spending, so that’s another ten thousand dollars (Guinness costs $8 a can here, $9 or $10 for a miserably poured pint). So as you can see, I’m down to about -$1 008 000. Then, from time to time, I like to go out on the town and go to Tokyo for the evening, or go out for dinner, or snowboarding and the like. Each of these activities costs between 5 and 10 billion dollars (500 kajillion yen) each. So if you’ve been doing the math and paying attention, that leaves me around 3 cents to save for myself or to begin to pay back my student loans (har har, that’s a little joke) or to donate to charity or some other noble and worthy cause (such as the Give Grum the Funds Fund).

But let's face it, Japan is a pretty sweet time, a fun place, a place of learning (how to feel retarded because your speaking skill is approximately on par with a native-born 3-year-old crippled mute whose only real advantage in life is to die before everyone else), a place of many wonders (both cultural and scenic) and is even a place to make money (LOADS of money). But Japan is a place of mandatory and reckless extravagance, of boundless expenditure; a place where existence and meaning is measured in hundred dollar bills (or rather, 10 000 yen bills). But to figure this out, you have to read the fine print...which is Japanese size and, unfortunately for me but not surprisingly, written in Japanese...

I'm the king and I'm in my counting house, counting all my money
But it'll soon be spent on food and drink, my life's so sad it's funny
Yet your jealousy is much deserved, you'll find it'll take you far
So when poverty's got you by the throat, you can join me, we'll go to the bar

back in the saddle

Okay, so today was the first day of real classes after 22 days of paid vacation (hhahhaha, so sweeet). Back teaching (read: playing) at junior high school

First class

Sensei: "How’s it going?"
Student: "Yes."
Sensei: "No."
Sensei (to next student): "How are you?"
Next Student: "No."
Atta boy...

Second Class

Sensei: "How are you?"
Students (collectively): "I'm fine, sank you, and-o you?"
Sensei: "Oh, I’m fine too."
...so far so good...
Sensei (to individual student): "How’s it going?"
Student: Good-o...and-o baddo
Sensei: Why good AND bad?
Student: "Baddo, I'm hungooly" (translation: hungry)
Sensei: (pretty choppy English, but) "Okay, and why good?"
Student: "(Japanese mutterings)...I...(more mutterings)...(laughing)...I don’t know!"

Later in the class...

Sensei: "Who is a smart student?"
*No one raises their hand*
Sensei explains the meaning of “smart” in Japanese
Sensei: "Who is a smart student in this class?"
*Again, no hands are raised*
Sensei: (laughing) "Okay then, who is a stupid student?"
Student (thrusting hand in the air): "Me, me! Hai hai hai!" (translation: yes yes yes)
Another student: "Borantee-a!" (translation: volunteer)
*chorus of “Me! Volunteer!” echoes through the classroom*
...this particular student was referred to as Mr. Stupid for the remainder of the class (to the great admiration of his friends)

Further on...

Sensei: "Please make a sentence using the word 'monster'."
Student: "I.........bought......a...monsta!" (translation: monster)
Mr. Fujita (other Sensei): "Ehh! Oh, really? Where did you get it?"
Student: "Aahhh...space!"
...good answer...

Another memorable moment of communication:
It’s tradition to go to the local shrine on New Year’s Day and make a wish.

Sensei: "Mr. Fujita, what did you wish for when you went to the shrine?"
before he can answer...
Random Student: "Girlfriend!"
Rest of the class: "Yes, yes!"
(hahahha, poor Mr. Fujita)

And so on...

Ah, the joys of teaching at junior high school...the students have just enough English comprehension to recognize the glaring fact that they have very little comprehension at all. Of course, this makes class fairly hilarious fairly often...which is fun

Oh, and one more class late in the day

Sensei: "Please make a sentence using the word 'important'."
Student: "English is important."
...best answer possible in an English class...Let's see where this goes...
Sensei: "Why? Why is English important?"
Student: "My house."
Fair enough...

And the last point that made the day completely worthwhile all on its own:

Sensei: "What do you want to be in the future?"
Student: "I will become...kinfgo...etto neh...(Japanese mumbling)...I will...(sounds of exasperation)...I will......become...king...king! I will become king of the world"
...good answer!
Another student: (jumping out of his chair and shouting and pointing) "He is king only in dream!"

Ah, my job...